What can be said about the crack-staff of writers, editors, contributors, and executives that work day and night to run this impeccable website? Not much actually. In fact, there are no contributors, editors or any resemblance of work ethic.
This great website only has three writers (so far), and one editor (who is also a writer/does not know the rules of grammar). Each of them does not have GEDs, which is okay considering that they are still in high school. Here is a quick biography of each of them, written in the third person because they are so cool:
Dan (Editor-In-Chief, Creator; All-around Mediocre Person): Dan embraced sports at a young age. Not the motor skills or athletic part, but the harsh criticism of millionaire athletes’ part. He learned the art of calling all Red Sox players 'bums'; excelled in shouting obscenities at every current and former NFC East player that did not play on the New York Giants; and mastered the art of questioning the sexuality of every New York Knicks starting center after Patrick Ewing.
Upon learning he had the gift of literacy, Dan decided to begin his journalistic career by writing various columns and posting them on popular social networking sites, such as Friendster, and J-Date. (I kid. Nobody used Friendster.) After the onset laziness and occasional diarrhea set in, he moved to bigger and better things, as he began writing for his school newspaper. His talents were not appreciated however, as he was only published once, and was eventually fired from his non-paying job for various *CLAIMS* of sexual harassment/drinking on the job.
Which brings us here. Most of the stuff you read prior to this is sarcastic, and is our way of trying to be funny. What follows is all you need to know: Dan is openly biased toward the Yankees, Knicks, Rangers, and Giants, as well as Jews, white people, and Chuck Norris. He started this website, and would prefer that you do not call it blog, unless of course “blog” is preceded by “Greatest” and followed with “of all time.” He likes to write with humor, as well as writing serious analytical pieces. He is a bit of a cynic, a phenomenon that developed within him after years of watching Knicks basketball and the Jewish philosophies instilled in him at an early age. He is also going to be writing on pop culture. Specifically, his pop culture endeavors will entail analyzing music, television, and movies. None of that gossip BS. If (when) he writes something edgy, it will not be a poorly thought out spontaneous crap idea. It might be better. As editor-in-chief, a position he is not qualified for because he doesn’t know what syntax and grammar are, he encourages you to join the Beastly Bagel family. And don’t take anything he writes to heart. Word to your mother.
· Does not play well with others.
· Get angry easily.
· Roots for the Patriots, Mets and CSKA Moscow
· Knows absolutely nothing about basketball, yet roots for the New Jersey Nets because they have a Russian owner.
· Happens to be the only Russian to not like hockey.
· Is extremely offensive to minorities, even the ones that deserve it. (See?)
· Vlad is not his real name. He has a vagina and is afraid that “colleges might look at him differently after his racist rants.” Psht. As if he’s getting into college.
· OWNS THE WORST GODAMN TASTE IN MUSIC EVER.
· May commit homicide at any time.
Oh, and another thing. His loves Jake Peavy, Adam Dunn, Kemba Walker, Kenyon Martin, Andrei Kirilenko, Monta Ellis and his right hand.
Matt (Writer; Football Nut): Rumor has it that Matt was actually born directly out of a football. He’s the equivalent of John Madden, minus the Super Bowl Rings and onset stupidity. Also not nearly as important as Dan, his biography will short. A die hard New York Giants fan, Matt’s greatest experience in life was Super Bowl 42. He still gets high to clips of David Tyree using his helmet as an extra hand. Although he doesn’t follow baseball as closely, he roots for the Yankees. The same can apply to basketball and hockey, where he roots for the Knicks and Rangers, respectfully. March Madness is one of his favorite times of year, because not only does he get excited over buzz-beaters, but he loves Gus Johnson with a passion. Or hates. Nobody can really tell.
His bias’ may will be against the Cowboys, Eagles, not the Redskins because nobody gives a shit about the Redskins, Ben Roethlesburger, and his 9th grade English teacher, who, after confirming this with the editor-in-chief, is/was insane. But in a good way. Ok, probably not a good way.
Any complaints/non-compliments can be sent to: shutup@nobodywantscares.com
(Don’t actually send stuff there you morons.)
